Thursday, January 8, 2015

Chronic Depression

Chronic depression is when you wake to a new day feeling refreshed and rested, but nonetheless feeling like the best thing that you can do for yourself is to crawl back into bed and not come out. Ever.

Chronic depression is when you become overwhelmed with sadness at the idea that your body won't allow you to sleep like you want to, because it's already had enough rest.

Chronic depression is when you snap at your wife simply for offering her help and standing up for you to solve a trivial problem, but because of the irrationality of the feelings that are overwhelming you, this only makes you feel even more futile and useless.

Chronic depression is when your son tries to engage you with something that you both share in common and all you can muster is a one-word response, or worse yet, with a yell to leave you alone because they're not yet equipped to recognize how agonized you are at the moment.

Chronic depression is focusing on every mundane task you can, because there is order in that, and you can make some sense of the world.

Chronic depression is chronic, and no matter how much therapy you receive or how much support you have...some days you will just be a complete and utter mess.

Chronic depression is me.

Chronic depression will recede like the tide, and I will grab onto the moments that matter when it does.

Chronic depression is waiting.